...and now, a Facebook status conversation, as told by morons, starring:

OP - Original Poster. A possibly mentally handicapped girl that I don't even know who has since deleted her status. Fortunately, I saved a transcript. Because I have a life.

IFP - Idiot first poster. An idiot.

IKE - I know everything. Some guy who will not discuss the issue, but instead beat around the bush without saying as to why he disagrees.

BP - Black panther. Some idiot who believes that having a black man in the White House will entitle them to free stuff.

ABTP - Annoying body transplant patient. A poor black kid who is stuck in a surburban white kid's body.

TI - The interjector. Posts a link and backs away. Not a bad idea.

Now on with the show. See if you can keep up...and keep your head from exploding from the stupidity and bad grammar...

WARNING: Graphic language ahead.
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OP obama sucks

IFP - Yeah I agree:) that dumb nasty wanna be big ass lips piece of shit I hope he dies painfully fuck head won't he go get bigger lips while he's at it asshole

IKE - What's wrong with him OP?

OP - i just dont like him

BP - hey IFP and OP dnt b talkin bout him like dat

IFP - Sorry but its how I feel about him

OP - to bad i hate him

BP - b nice have a black president not. he tha fucken best. He betta den bush.

OP - i like mccain better

IFP - Ya me too always willll yay us

BP - he bout 2 do it big 4 us wat i mean iz dat we goin 2 have betta lives

IFP - Eh ill pass on him

IKE - Obsma is smart and I really like him! He hasn't given you a reason to dislike him

OP - aight

IFP - ill never like him that punk

OP - this is a done conversation

ABTP - .....I DNT KNO WHO U ARE IFP....but u are the rudest person i have ever seen?...wtf is wrong wit u puttin that shit?..u got alot of nerve...shows how immature u are...that man is going to save this country whether u wanna hATE him because hes black or because he has big lips...he will save us. SO UR A TRUE HATER!!!!1 i i i....HAVE AN OPEN MIND,,,whoever u are...u probly have no friends and is very rude..but everyone has a story so ill pass...jus dnt put that on peoples shit...thats rude...hes the president...have respect.

OP - maybe ill like him idk

TI - (link) Is this related to the subject?

OP - huh

ABTP - haha!! -----^ fuk naw.

BP - IFP u nd 2 fix ur face

OP - u all need too just be quiet an shut ur faces im gettin annoyed

ABTP - who u tlkn to?

OP - everyone

ABTP - well not me...cuz ma voice was needed...people be fuckin rude...grow up...

OP - no not u ur fine an talk white not black ur white u wigger

ABTP - wtf...im neva no wigger...or try to tlk like one...get the fuk out...if u kno me and kno how i tlk u no im not tryin ta b black...ust cuz i type like diss dnt mean i gotta sound like a wigger...aight im done...CLOSE IT.

OP - were done ok u childish im grown ight

ABTP - ...HAAH...KkkkKKkkKkkkkkkkkK,,,,,,,,,,,,WTF U DNT EVEN KNO ME...U ALWAYS B TRYIN TA TLK TO ME...and u cant neva take a hint..soo delete urself plz...thanks

OP - ok

fin

The drama! The anger! The gramatically retarded!

I can go on for hours about how this pisses me off, but I won't. I'll instead touch on the OP who gets mad when people start arguing in her political post, BP, who is still brainwashed into thinking that Obama is Jesus Christ incarnate, IBTP who is just...I don't even know, and IFP, who is, again, an idiot. Having big lips (or ears, in Obama's case) doesn't make someone a bad president. Having no clue what the hell you're doing does.

Since then, the status has been deleted, and instead replaced with Britney Spears lyrics. With the exception of IKE, all the other people are under 18. This is the future of America, people. No wonder the terrorists hate us.

Labels: idiots, racism, social networking

Have you seen this man? More specifically, have you seen this man in your dreams? According to "psychiatrists", thousands of people across the world have.

The history behind this mysterious face, called THIS MAN by people who claim to have seen him, goes a little something like this:

In January 2006 in New York, the patient of a well-known psychiatrist draws the face of a man that has been repeatedly appearing in her dreams. In more than one occasion that man has given her advice on her private life. The woman swears she has never met the man in her life.

That portrait lies forgotten on the psychiatrist's desk for a few days until one day another patient recognizes that face and says that the man has often visited him in his dreams. He also claims he has never seen that man in his waking life.

The psychiatrist decides to send the portrait to some of his colleagues that have patients with recurrent dreams. Within a few months, four patients recognize the man as a frequent presence in their own dreams. All the patients refer to him as THIS MAN.

From January 2006 until today, at least 2000 people have claimed they have seen this man in their dreams, in many cities all over the world: Los Angeles, Berlin, Sao Paulo, Tehran, Beijing, Rome, Barcelona, Stockholm, Paris, New Dehli, Moskow, etc.

At the moment there is no ascertained relation or common trait among the people that have dreamed of seeing this man. Moreover, no living man has ever been recognized as resembling the man of the portrait by the people who have seen this man in their dreams.

Wow. What are the chances that people in Moscow, Paris, the US, and other places across the globe are dreaming of the same man? Pretty good actually, when you consider that, on a planet of 6 billion people, that maybe hundreds of people dream of him? It's plausible. Again, on a planet of 6 billion people, I'm pretty sure people dream of Lindsay Lohan every night. Or not.

Some of the theories on THIS MAN, based on the website www.thisman.org, range from the face being the archetypal image of the collective human unconscious, to being the face of God, to a person with psychic abilities who basically "hacks" into your dreams, who may or may not be part of a mental conditioning program funded by some sort of evil corporation.

I don't know about you, but I'll be dreaming about him. These "suspect sketch" type of drawings always give me bad dreams. They have since I was three when I first saw them on Unsolved Mysteries.

Of course, it could be The Walkin' Dude from The Stand. If that's the case, we's all gonna die.

Labels: apocalyptic stuff, dreams, weird

It was announced today by TLC that they have pulled the plug on the heart-warming-turned-trainwreck show known as Jon and Kate Plus 8.

In case you've been holed up in a basement somewhere playing World of Warcraft non-stop for the past 6 months or so, Jon and Kate was a show about a family of 9 who filmed their day to day lives. They hit it big, got fat checks from the TLC people and began whoring themselves out on magazine covers and book tours and the like. Hey, it's for the kids, right?

Not exactly. Jon decided to use his celebrity clout to ink a deal with douchebag clothing company Ed Hardy. Kate appeared on talk shows to say how swell things were going and how hard it was raising 8 kids on a multi-million dollar budget. Then Jon decides to cheat on his cranky bitch of a wife, who, by the way, has the fashion sense of a gerbil. After that, all hell broke loose. They announced that they were getting a divorce. TLC crapped their pants because their cash cow was about to quit producing milk. Until the ratings came in from the divorce announcement episode.

After realizing that people enjoy watching a family fall apart on national TV, TLC decided to continue the show. Jon continued his tubby, douchey-ways and Kate continued to be a rabid bitch. TLC then announced that Jon would guest star in his kid's lives, calling the show Kate Plus 8. Jon, realizing that his paycheck was soon to be gone, barred TLC from filming at his house because he had the epiphany that the show "was harming the kids".


TLC basically said "eff this", and decided today to pull the plug on the show.

I feel sorry for the kids. I don't like the idea of placing these kids on national television in order to get yourself big cars, a big house, and everything else. Sure, the kids have a good life for now, but at what cost? Hopefully, the money from the show can pay for the years of counseling ahead.

Labels: idiot celebrities, idiots, Jon and Kate, kids, television

So the big story of last week, besides Hollywood dropping a deuce in their pants when Roman "I like to rape kids" Polanski's child-diddlin' ass was arrested, is Rio de Janeiro beat out all comers and will be hosting the 2016 Olympics. Normally this wouldn't be news, since nobody gives a flying mustard turd sandwich about the Olympics. What made the story was the fact that President Obama, his wife, and some crazy lady nobody knows about named Oprah decided to head over to Olympic headquarters and try to throw their clout (and Oprah's ass) around to get the committee to host the Olympics in Chicago. What insued, however dear reader, was hilarity.

Thinking "Hey, I'm the President of the US! They've gotta host it in my corrupt, near-broke home town since I want them to!" Barack Obama and his wife decided to pitch for the Olympics in their hometown of Chicago. They wanted the Olympics, which is notorious for going over budget nearly every year, in Chicago, a city who's financial status isn't exactly peachy. I could rant for a second about how certainly none of their political chums would profit off of this whatsoever, but I'll refrain.

What gets my goat out of my pants about the whole thing is the sheer ego it takes to go over there and pitch for this. I mean, they brought Oprah, who makes more money than the city of Chicago probably does. Certainly Oprah can change their minds. I mean, she gave us Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz and...ah, who cares.

By the way, speaking of egos, Michelle Obama has to be one of the biggest assclowns on the face of the planet. Quotes about how she and Barack "sacrificed" to fly to Europe for 12ish hours aside, she annoys the crap out of me. Not so much her, now that I think of it. Moreso people who think she's great. And the next Jackie Kennedy. And Jesus' wife. First off, she looks like Helen Keller dresses her half the time. Second, she looks like she tried to make out with a weedwhacker. While juggling knives with her face.

Ok I'm done. I'm eating Wendy's chili, and would rather do that than type.

Labels: idiots, Obama, Olympics

So I'm late to the party. Bite me.

In case you didn't know, Disney bought out comic book giant Marvel at the end of August. What does this mean for Disney, and more importantly, what does this mean for Marvel?

On one hand, Disney knows what it's doing. That's why it's been around for so long, despite pumping out garbage like Phineas and Ferb, Hannah Montana, not to mention raping their classic movies by releasing straight-to-DVD sequels that have no reason to exist except to rake in cash from unsuspecting parents and spoiled, bratty children. Oh wait. That's why they're still around: because children these days are idiots and have no taste whatsoever.

As a child, I grew up on 3 comics: Batman, Spider-Man and X-Men. Now I haven't kept up with comics in a long time, but I know that Batman is DC, so I have no worries there. The other two, however, are Marvel's bread and butter. That's where their money comes from, and since Disney owns them now, that's where a lot of Disney's money comes from. I don't see them messing with these two franchises at all.

Unless we get a Spider-Man vs. Jafar cross-over. Wait, that would be awesome.

What the hell am I talking about again?

Labels: Batman, Disney, dumb ideas, Marvel, Spider-Man

This is Pink, performing her (his?) opening number on his (her?) Funhouse tour at the KeyArena in Seattle this past Tuesday.
Normally when a woman (man?) wears a get-up like this, it's arousing in an animalistic sort of way. However, doing your best to look like a Sumerian shape-shifting god of destruction doesn't exactly tickle my fancy.

Labels: celebrities

Testing to see why Kanye borked my menu bar on the right hand side. I knew that dude was an a-hole.

As soon as I think I'm done with this assclown (and now "this assclown and his alien hermaphrodite snake-skinned love-beast") he goes and makes a fool of himself once again, this time at the douchebaggiest place of all, the MTV Video Music Awards. Kanye, not being afraid of looking like a toolbox, hopped up onstage last night or whenever it happened, and jacked the microphone from 19-year-old country star Taylor Swift, and proceeded to say that "Beyonce has the best video of the decade!". Beyonce, who was beat out by Taylor, seemed mortified when Kanye opened his big mouth. Since everyone in the whole-damn-world got pissed at him, he decided to write an appology:

I'M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD'VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE'S IN THE BLEACHERS! ........................
I'M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!.................
BEYONCE'S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I'M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I'M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I'M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!! NO DISRESPECT BUT WE WATCHIN' THE SHOW AT THE CRIB RIGHT NOW CAUSE ... WELL YOU KNOW!!!! I'M STILL HAPPY FOR TAYLOR!!!! BOOOYAAAWWWW!!!! YOU ARE VERY VERY TALENTED!!! I GAVE MY AWARDS TO OUTKAST WHEN THEY DESERVED IT OVER ME... THAT'S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!! I'M NOT CRAZY YALL, I'M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!! I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR TAYLOR AND I'M SINCERELY SORRY!!! MUCH RESPECT!!!!!

Wow. Somebody smack this guy with a grammar book. Preferably one with barbed wire wrapped around it. What is this "Welcome to the real world...I'm a fan of real pop culture?" crap? Really, what does that mean? Does that mean he has a whole basement dedicated to Twilight stuff? Does he enjoy witty 80's movie references? Does it mean he's a homosexual aquatic being?

The world will never know. Only Kanye knows, in his warped mind where he can do no wrong. Clearly he wasn't beat enough as a child, whether in his home or on the playground at school. Messing with Taylor Swift, however, has drawn the ire of 99% of the country world and probably 90% of the rest of the music business. Hopefully someone will pull a will.i.am and get somebody to slug him in the face.

Labels: celebrities, gay fish, idiot celebrities, idiots, Kanye West, morons